jodi.........

jodi aakash hote paartaam
bristi ene ditaam morur buke
jodi hote paartaam maati
buke dhore rakhtaam tomaar smriti
jodi pakhi hote partaam
danaduti mele ure jetaa swapner deshe
jodi hote paartaam phul
gachhe gachhe phute uthtaam sudhu tomaar jonno
jodi saagor hote paartaam
haariye jetaam ashimer daake
jodi hote paartaam sanjher robi
ek chilte roddur hoye jege thaktaam tomaar sinthite
jodi tomaar moton tumi hote paartaam
nijer sathei maatiye ditaam e bhubon
aar jodi hote paartaam aamar moton aami
e hridaykhani janmantore rekhe jetaam tomaar kachhe

i am sorry...

When you first loved me,
And I was cold,
When You held my hand,
And I pulled myself back,
When You called me to say so many things,
And I just hanged the phone saying nothing,
When You were insulted,
And I did nothing,
When You were wanting me more,
And I ran away from you,
When You cried silently ,
And I you did not even get the hand of support from me,
When You shared your dreams with me,
I was so much not myself,
And today I wanna pull you to myself to say that
I LOVE YOU...
And I am Sorry...

please forgive me...

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...


i know this is a bryan adam song..even though i can write good blogs but at this point of mental status this song seemed perfect..the words seemed exactly what i am feeling rite now...just wanna say that distance is good...

P.S for the person who made me realize what love is....

support a child...

i usually dont write on a social causes because i seriously do not feel that writing about such a thing & doing nothing about it will help.there are people around me who has romanticized poverty,child labour,etc.I somehow never took an attempt to do the same as people who wants to lend out their hand will do it in either case & those who wont will not do it even they read all these.its sad.

people who have been to park street have seen small girls & boys selling lottergum for rupees 10.i have also seen them innumerable time.but never helped them in recent times since i do believe that buying from one would lead to attracting many kids & with my limited funds i would not be able to help all.last saturday when we were planning to move to peter cat after a long wait in front of music world i saw a small little girl approaching us with bunch of Lottergum..as i am always pre-determined on few things before even she could ask me take one i had asked her to move away..but that small girl bound by hr habits kept on nagging..& then suddenly my friend saw that the little girl gets dimple in her cheek!!

i noticed & saw a very pretty girl in front of me.we never actually bother to take a proper look at those small kids who spends such a different childhood..far different from what we had.that small kid was wearing minimal clothes but she looked like an angel in disguise.we started talking to her.when asked whether she studies or not she exclaimed that a lady comes to teach them..them signifies few more kid who are her colleagues & some her siblings!!i was not much surprised as i myself was attached to few NGOs whodid volunteer such works!!i asked her about so many things & she kept on answering..& few of my questions actually brought stars in her eyes...small bright stars!!i was gradually falling in love with my little friend.

with so much to talk & know bout her i got the alarm from my friends that we got to move.i then asked her to give me one of the gums that she sells & gave her 10 rupees extra.i asked her to keep it for herself.she looked at me.no stars in those bright eyes & quite blankly said "amar chai na,didi..ora niye nebe..tumi boron amar bondhur theke ekta keno..or ektao bikri hoi ni"..!!her one statement made me feel that she has so many things to tell!!may be she knew about this world & her complications more than any one present there!!i was amazed!!she called her friend & i bought from him..she was happy & so was him..an unsaid flow of love happened between the pair of eyes..!!the guy ran away & my angel said "didi tumi khub bhalo.." & she fled away..

her running away made me realize that we can do a lot of things may be not with money but with time & we ont even realize that.we dont even have the time to think!!once hen i suggested my friend to adopt a child then he said that he wont do one because that my lead to a dissatisfaction within other children that why were they not adopted!!i was shocked at what he said & then quite silently thought that people nowadays think this way!! moner dorja ta choto hote hote ekdin bodhoi bondho hoi jabe..i dont know what message you get from this write but would suggest all of you to just think once..think how much we can do!!!

define love!!!!

i am gradually turning my blog to a personal diary..n i need to lock it before people i dont know learns everything about me!!

i was asked a strange question that whether i am happy with the person i love or not???the question was asked by the same person whom i love!!!on facing this question i was asked myself two more things : define love & define happiness!!! i dont know how others define love but i define love as that special feelings that makes you dance in the rain when ur sneezing & coughing day in & day out & then being pulled in a shade by the person of ur life & getting a good piece of scolding from him!!love to me is that sudden sms to tell you that i love you just out of the blue..love is that feelings when u wait for his call 24x7..love is that one special dish that you cannot have sine ur love loves to eat it..love is that nagging that you do when u feel cranky & then get scolded by the loved one & then pampered again!!love is that special things that you do to see your love happy!!love is to cook the special dish for him when he least expects it..love is to give him the sudden surprise that you plan for him just because of no reason..!!love is to deck ur self up & then wait for him to say that you look nice..love is to watch your love taking a glance at you when you are just getting ready for office..love is to understand the person by a single "hello" over the phone..love is to understand the person inside out..love is to take the person in your arms when he is just damn frustrated with everything around him..love is friendship...love is to understand the person as he is and not to understand him as i want to..love is many more things!!!if you are in love & you know the person then you are sure to understand whether he is happy or not..u just dont need to ask him whether he is happy or not!!!can i single "I LOVE YOU" make you fall in love???or can those three words prove whether you love him or not..isnt hating that special someone is also a part of love??i dont know..but i really want know since for me everything that i said is love...u might differ but thats how i am!!!

sunya..

ghorer janla e te boshe boshe phn e kotha bolchilam..monta bheshe bheshe jani na kothai jachilo kintu kotha bolte bolte akash dekhte besh lagchilo...amar meghe dhaka akash dekhte khub bhalo lage!!megher sathe sathe mon ta anek dure naam na jana kono ek jaiga ta chole jai..akashe aj anek rokomer megh..abhimani megh,raagi megh,dukhe bhora megh,anando utfullo megh,chintito megh..koto megh!!!abhimani megh bheshe bheshe jai ar bole ami sundori premikar moto amake tumi jotokhon ador kore samle rakhbe ami tomar thakbo..noito ami bheshe bheshe dur deshe chole jabo..raagi megh garjon kore..tader anek dabi..tara gorje bole akash ta amar..ami biraj ori ete..dukhe bhora megh majhe majhe kede uthe bole amar anek kichu bolar ache bote kintu sonar keu nei,she ek dukhe bhora premiker moto,tar bolar ache bohu kotha kintu jake sonate chai take hath barale pai na...anando utfullo megh neche neche bheshe berae ar nijer anando ta sobar madhey choriye dei..r chintito megh to kanya dae groshtho pitar moto.sorkari chakri theke je tuku bachate pereche ta diye prapta boyoshko meyer biye dite hobe,tar kopale chintar bhaj..

akashe mgher majhe mjhe ami anek jon k khuje pai..tader dekhte pai...tarao amar mone hoi amar dike tkiye takiye dekhche..kintu prithibir sathe akasher anekta antor..tara amake r ami tader kache pouchote pari na!!!kolkata te jokhon brishti hoi tokhon keu bodhoi akasher dike takai na..akasher pane cheye dekhecho ki??akasher mulya ta tokhon i thake joto khon abhimani megh mukh kalo kore thake ba jokhon raagi megh gorjon ore tokhon i bodhoi akasher dike cheye manush bole "aye brishti jhepe" kintu brishti jokhon pore tokhon ki akasher dike cheye dekheche keu??j akash ei sundor megh gulo k garve dhore rakhe tar koto ta mulya ache???jani na...

dukho hoi oi akasher janya jar na ache rong na ache sondarjo...sudhu ache gobhirota..antaheen gobhirota..akash ki sundor hote pare...akasher opor pore thaka megh gulo take sundor kore..surjer jhokjhoke alo take ujjolot dei..chander roshnai take porir moto kore tole...kintu aksher nijer ache sunya gobhirota..keu bodhoi shei ghobirota k mapte chai ni...amio chai na karon oi gobhirota mapar samrtho amar nei..j akash khola hathe megh, rod, brishti k alingon korte pare shei akashk mapar shahosh ami rakhi na...tome hya akashaer pane cheye ami eta roj boli j tomar sunya ta amake dao..tomar gobhirota ta amake dao...ami akash hote chai....

Bob Marley

Dont smoke d herb..just appreciate it...

Beauty

Beauty of kolkata..

Speed

A blink

D haze

...

confession

well i till now dont know what to name this post..i believe i will be able to do the same once the flow comes..many of those who reads this blog would feel that i have put forward the frustrations of life(not many will read so no worries..moreover i know this would not be one of those writings which has been appreciated all thru..but i dont write for appreciation but i write as this is the best way how i can bring my feelings out...
human mind as all say is the most complicated thing on earth!!so complicated that at times I feel that human beings are some thing i just dont want to come in touch with..but alas!!how can u expect to live in the planet ruled by Homo Sapiens by barring them!!
the resentment is not with the human being all together since there are few special people in my life who has out proven others like my parents,my friends who has been thru thick n thin...but people who tried to be extra friendly but was just not worth it are those who changed my views..i have had many friends..friends who has been with me for a substantial period of time n then we have parted ways...i dont regret losing them since i have also been unsocial enough to not in get touch with them..i am definitely very moody..so moody that its difficult to cope up with my mood..i dont blame others..this is definitely my fault!!i accept..
but this attitude of mine has all the more been a result of people around me who have been good actors!!well the world is a stage as said by Shakespeare so cant blame them as well..but at times i feel that such a lot of acting is also not necessary as there are people who would love you in any case..you dont need to be extra cheesy about them..i prefer to accept as they are since i do believe that every individual has a defined character of their own and we are not to change them!!
i dont know why i am writing this post!!is it because i am frustrated enough to say something on someone's face as i used to do or am i tired of making people understand what i am or how am i???surely dont know the answer to this but i do know that some thing is itching me bad which is forcing me to vent it out this way??

today i really had a bad fight with someone special but i dont blame it on him!!it is the expectations that make you feel pissed off at times.I wanted o kill this bloody thing called "expectation"...it kill everything but homo sapiens would not be called so if they could kill the same.i am disgusted!!disgusted with the fact that every small step that I take towards a better life is always backed by innumerable bad steps & most importantly those small steps just go away unnoticed..but why..am a little more into the habit of "four years" that i exaggerate on or is it obvious that it had to happen!!am a incapable of letting people understand hat i feel about them?am i more moody than that i need to be??im truly perplexed!!

i want to reach upto the person but i dont know how!!i dont know whether a blog or a mail or a hand written letter or a simple phone call would make him understand what i actually feel about him??i know i had a bad habit of pulling those "four years" into everything that i do but i have come out of it n dont know how do i make him understand that!!!uff im so damn disgusted!!!i hate life!!!

I LOVE YOU

When I fail to say nothing at all
You seem to complete them.
When I fail to see the world
You show me the colors.
When I am sad and cannot see anything around
You make me smile.
When I am happy and wanna jump in joy
You make me happier by jumping with me.
When I wanna fight
You give the perfect ambiance.
When I am confused & perplexed
You give me your strong hands to hold on to.
When I am out of love
You fill my heart with bed of roses.
When I badly want to say "I Hate You"
Your little actions make me say that "I LOVE YOU"....

back to home....

home is different from house...i love my home as well as the house in the dingy golis of howrah with innumerable problems all around.the reason is i love the people who lives here,i love everything that is around in here.my room,my bed,my table lamp,my study table,my books,my wardrobe everything is so perfect.even the climber that has grown from a plant to tree with yellow flowers in it in front of my home is so damn perfect!!

i have come back after three months.things dont much change in three months.u dont expect to aswell.but i find this place so unknown today.may be because i loved this place & everything around it through some ones else's eyes.some one made me see those parts of these dingy lanes which were otherwise not visible.my views and the thoughts were driven by someone else to some extent.today when i have come back i am starting to love & see this place with my own eyes & views.yes there are many things that can be loved about in this place.i see them today!!i feel them today.

when i went out in the evening today i saw that side of kolkata which i never saw before.i felt that the warmth of kolkata.in this city u are never alone!!u can never be lonely.the buses,the taxis,the people all are so different.they are busy yet they some times stop by u to ask u how u are?i want to happy to be in kolkata as i have come back to my city after few days but i am not..i know why i am not!!i am just so shocked with the mistakes that i made for days which rolled into years..when i landed today i again got the old smell f this city which you otherwise dont feel if you are here 24x7..i could feel the love emitted out of the busy humid city..i can feel it today when i stand with my arms open in my roof..when i just lie down tired in my bed..or when i just do nothing sitting in front of my desktop..or when i just sit in my window with the lights off..i am falling for this city again..

n i know the reason aswell..this time i am seeing & feeling this city myself..not thru someone else's eyes or heart but through my own..i know how i can do it..i can do it because someone has given me the strength to do the same..someone very unknown has given me the courage to face the world as it comes.he has made my hands so strong that now i can hold myself with those hands..i want to thank him but i m at times out of words..or may be he would not understand me..since i hate to speak my heart out..i always wanted friendship & love to have such power that it can understand the person just by a simple "hello"...but that takes time..that takes days..but one day i believe i will be able to make him understand even without saying that how much i love him..

you get to feel these things only when u find yourself from within you..i can do it best hen i am home...this is the best realization when u com back to the warmth of ma after days!!!!