Dont smoke d herb..just appreciate it...
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
confession
well i till now dont know what to name this post..i believe i will be able to do the same once the flow comes..many of those who reads this blog would feel that i have put forward the frustrations of life(not many will read so no worries..moreover i know this would not be one of those writings which has been appreciated all thru..but i dont write for appreciation but i write as this is the best way how i can bring my feelings out...
human mind as all say is the most complicated thing on earth!!so complicated that at times I feel that human beings are some thing i just dont want to come in touch with..but alas!!how can u expect to live in the planet ruled by Homo Sapiens by barring them!!
the resentment is not with the human being all together since there are few special people in my life who has out proven others like my parents,my friends who has been thru thick n thin...but people who tried to be extra friendly but was just not worth it are those who changed my views..i have had many friends..friends who has been with me for a substantial period of time n then we have parted ways...i dont regret losing them since i have also been unsocial enough to not in get touch with them..i am definitely very moody..so moody that its difficult to cope up with my mood..i dont blame others..this is definitely my fault!!i accept..
but this attitude of mine has all the more been a result of people around me who have been good actors!!well the world is a stage as said by Shakespeare so cant blame them as well..but at times i feel that such a lot of acting is also not necessary as there are people who would love you in any case..you dont need to be extra cheesy about them..i prefer to accept as they are since i do believe that every individual has a defined character of their own and we are not to change them!!
i dont know why i am writing this post!!is it because i am frustrated enough to say something on someone's face as i used to do or am i tired of making people understand what i am or how am i???surely dont know the answer to this but i do know that some thing is itching me bad which is forcing me to vent it out this way??
today i really had a bad fight with someone special but i dont blame it on him!!it is the expectations that make you feel pissed off at times.I wanted o kill this bloody thing called "expectation"...it kill everything but homo sapiens would not be called so if they could kill the same.i am disgusted!!disgusted with the fact that every small step that I take towards a better life is always backed by innumerable bad steps & most importantly those small steps just go away unnoticed..but why..am a little more into the habit of "four years" that i exaggerate on or is it obvious that it had to happen!!am a incapable of letting people understand hat i feel about them?am i more moody than that i need to be??im truly perplexed!!
i want to reach upto the person but i dont know how!!i dont know whether a blog or a mail or a hand written letter or a simple phone call would make him understand what i actually feel about him??i know i had a bad habit of pulling those "four years" into everything that i do but i have come out of it n dont know how do i make him understand that!!!uff im so damn disgusted!!!i hate life!!!
human mind as all say is the most complicated thing on earth!!so complicated that at times I feel that human beings are some thing i just dont want to come in touch with..but alas!!how can u expect to live in the planet ruled by Homo Sapiens by barring them!!
the resentment is not with the human being all together since there are few special people in my life who has out proven others like my parents,my friends who has been thru thick n thin...but people who tried to be extra friendly but was just not worth it are those who changed my views..i have had many friends..friends who has been with me for a substantial period of time n then we have parted ways...i dont regret losing them since i have also been unsocial enough to not in get touch with them..i am definitely very moody..so moody that its difficult to cope up with my mood..i dont blame others..this is definitely my fault!!i accept..
but this attitude of mine has all the more been a result of people around me who have been good actors!!well the world is a stage as said by Shakespeare so cant blame them as well..but at times i feel that such a lot of acting is also not necessary as there are people who would love you in any case..you dont need to be extra cheesy about them..i prefer to accept as they are since i do believe that every individual has a defined character of their own and we are not to change them!!
i dont know why i am writing this post!!is it because i am frustrated enough to say something on someone's face as i used to do or am i tired of making people understand what i am or how am i???surely dont know the answer to this but i do know that some thing is itching me bad which is forcing me to vent it out this way??
today i really had a bad fight with someone special but i dont blame it on him!!it is the expectations that make you feel pissed off at times.I wanted o kill this bloody thing called "expectation"...it kill everything but homo sapiens would not be called so if they could kill the same.i am disgusted!!disgusted with the fact that every small step that I take towards a better life is always backed by innumerable bad steps & most importantly those small steps just go away unnoticed..but why..am a little more into the habit of "four years" that i exaggerate on or is it obvious that it had to happen!!am a incapable of letting people understand hat i feel about them?am i more moody than that i need to be??im truly perplexed!!
i want to reach upto the person but i dont know how!!i dont know whether a blog or a mail or a hand written letter or a simple phone call would make him understand what i actually feel about him??i know i had a bad habit of pulling those "four years" into everything that i do but i have come out of it n dont know how do i make him understand that!!!uff im so damn disgusted!!!i hate life!!!
I LOVE YOU
When I fail to say nothing at all
You seem to complete them.
When I fail to see the world
You show me the colors.
When I am sad and cannot see anything around
You make me smile.
When I am happy and wanna jump in joy
You make me happier by jumping with me.
When I wanna fight
You give the perfect ambiance.
When I am confused & perplexed
You give me your strong hands to hold on to.
When I am out of love
You fill my heart with bed of roses.
When I badly want to say "I Hate You"
Your little actions make me say that "I LOVE YOU"....
You seem to complete them.
When I fail to see the world
You show me the colors.
When I am sad and cannot see anything around
You make me smile.
When I am happy and wanna jump in joy
You make me happier by jumping with me.
When I wanna fight
You give the perfect ambiance.
When I am confused & perplexed
You give me your strong hands to hold on to.
When I am out of love
You fill my heart with bed of roses.
When I badly want to say "I Hate You"
Your little actions make me say that "I LOVE YOU"....
Friday, September 3, 2010
back to home....
home is different from house...i love my home as well as the house in the dingy golis of howrah with innumerable problems all around.the reason is i love the people who lives here,i love everything that is around in here.my room,my bed,my table lamp,my study table,my books,my wardrobe everything is so perfect.even the climber that has grown from a plant to tree with yellow flowers in it in front of my home is so damn perfect!!
i have come back after three months.things dont much change in three months.u dont expect to aswell.but i find this place so unknown today.may be because i loved this place & everything around it through some ones else's eyes.some one made me see those parts of these dingy lanes which were otherwise not visible.my views and the thoughts were driven by someone else to some extent.today when i have come back i am starting to love & see this place with my own eyes & views.yes there are many things that can be loved about in this place.i see them today!!i feel them today.
when i went out in the evening today i saw that side of kolkata which i never saw before.i felt that the warmth of kolkata.in this city u are never alone!!u can never be lonely.the buses,the taxis,the people all are so different.they are busy yet they some times stop by u to ask u how u are?i want to happy to be in kolkata as i have come back to my city after few days but i am not..i know why i am not!!i am just so shocked with the mistakes that i made for days which rolled into years..when i landed today i again got the old smell f this city which you otherwise dont feel if you are here 24x7..i could feel the love emitted out of the busy humid city..i can feel it today when i stand with my arms open in my roof..when i just lie down tired in my bed..or when i just do nothing sitting in front of my desktop..or when i just sit in my window with the lights off..i am falling for this city again..
n i know the reason aswell..this time i am seeing & feeling this city myself..not thru someone else's eyes or heart but through my own..i know how i can do it..i can do it because someone has given me the strength to do the same..someone very unknown has given me the courage to face the world as it comes.he has made my hands so strong that now i can hold myself with those hands..i want to thank him but i m at times out of words..or may be he would not understand me..since i hate to speak my heart out..i always wanted friendship & love to have such power that it can understand the person just by a simple "hello"...but that takes time..that takes days..but one day i believe i will be able to make him understand even without saying that how much i love him..
you get to feel these things only when u find yourself from within you..i can do it best hen i am home...this is the best realization when u com back to the warmth of ma after days!!!!
i have come back after three months.things dont much change in three months.u dont expect to aswell.but i find this place so unknown today.may be because i loved this place & everything around it through some ones else's eyes.some one made me see those parts of these dingy lanes which were otherwise not visible.my views and the thoughts were driven by someone else to some extent.today when i have come back i am starting to love & see this place with my own eyes & views.yes there are many things that can be loved about in this place.i see them today!!i feel them today.
when i went out in the evening today i saw that side of kolkata which i never saw before.i felt that the warmth of kolkata.in this city u are never alone!!u can never be lonely.the buses,the taxis,the people all are so different.they are busy yet they some times stop by u to ask u how u are?i want to happy to be in kolkata as i have come back to my city after few days but i am not..i know why i am not!!i am just so shocked with the mistakes that i made for days which rolled into years..when i landed today i again got the old smell f this city which you otherwise dont feel if you are here 24x7..i could feel the love emitted out of the busy humid city..i can feel it today when i stand with my arms open in my roof..when i just lie down tired in my bed..or when i just do nothing sitting in front of my desktop..or when i just sit in my window with the lights off..i am falling for this city again..
n i know the reason aswell..this time i am seeing & feeling this city myself..not thru someone else's eyes or heart but through my own..i know how i can do it..i can do it because someone has given me the strength to do the same..someone very unknown has given me the courage to face the world as it comes.he has made my hands so strong that now i can hold myself with those hands..i want to thank him but i m at times out of words..or may be he would not understand me..since i hate to speak my heart out..i always wanted friendship & love to have such power that it can understand the person just by a simple "hello"...but that takes time..that takes days..but one day i believe i will be able to make him understand even without saying that how much i love him..
you get to feel these things only when u find yourself from within you..i can do it best hen i am home...this is the best realization when u com back to the warmth of ma after days!!!!
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