..........

yet another post without anything to name!!or may be i dont know what to name it...because i dont know what i wanna write...maybe i wanna write of some thing i wanna get but cant reach upto it...or may be of some dreams which i thought i would make true but forgot that they were just dreams...and today when high on beer i wanna vent out things i dont have words to express myself. I feel sad when i stand in front of the mirror and see myself so helpless..so much dependent on others!!!I love to call myself independent..but alas independence is some thing that is not define by my actions..!!I am a silly dependent character..!! I define a lost & failed individual who neither could make her love successful nor her carrier!! Sad..Dats what I call it...!! At times when I am sad i feel like crying and i run short of tears, at times when I want to express myself in word I run short of word...dats me!! A lost failed individual who is gradually losing the essence of life..losing the charm of life..losing the happiness of smile!!!

শেষের কবিতা

যে আমারে দেখিবারে পায়
অসীম ক্ষমায়
ভালো মন্দ মিলায়ে সকলি,
এবার পূজায় তারি আপনারে দিতে চাই বলি।
তোমারে যা দিয়েছিনু তার
পেয়েছ নিঃশেষ অধিকার।
হেথা মোর তিলে তিলে দান,
করুণ মুহূর্তগুলি গণ্ডূষ ভরিয়া করে পান
হৃদয়-অঞ্জলি হতে মম।
ওগো তুমি নিরুপম,
হে ঐশ্বর্যবান,
তোমারে যা দিয়েছিনু সে তোমারি দান–
গ্রহণ করেছ যত ঋণী তত করেছ আমায়।
হে বন্ধু, বিদায়।

jodi.........

jodi aakash hote paartaam
bristi ene ditaam morur buke
jodi hote paartaam maati
buke dhore rakhtaam tomaar smriti
jodi pakhi hote partaam
danaduti mele ure jetaa swapner deshe
jodi hote paartaam phul
gachhe gachhe phute uthtaam sudhu tomaar jonno
jodi saagor hote paartaam
haariye jetaam ashimer daake
jodi hote paartaam sanjher robi
ek chilte roddur hoye jege thaktaam tomaar sinthite
jodi tomaar moton tumi hote paartaam
nijer sathei maatiye ditaam e bhubon
aar jodi hote paartaam aamar moton aami
e hridaykhani janmantore rekhe jetaam tomaar kachhe

i am sorry...

When you first loved me,
And I was cold,
When You held my hand,
And I pulled myself back,
When You called me to say so many things,
And I just hanged the phone saying nothing,
When You were insulted,
And I did nothing,
When You were wanting me more,
And I ran away from you,
When You cried silently ,
And I you did not even get the hand of support from me,
When You shared your dreams with me,
I was so much not myself,
And today I wanna pull you to myself to say that
I LOVE YOU...
And I am Sorry...

please forgive me...

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss and
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
I'm still hold on and you're still the one
The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on

So If you're feelin' lonely.. don't
You're the only one I'd ever want
I only wanna make it good
So if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me I know not what I do
Please forgive me I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me

This pain I'm going through
Please forgive me
If I need ya like I do
Please believe me
Every word I say is true
Please forgive me I can't stop loving you
Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch

We're still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough I'm still holdin' on
You're still number one I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

One thing I'm sure of
Is the way we make love
And the one thing I depend on
Is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...


i know this is a bryan adam song..even though i can write good blogs but at this point of mental status this song seemed perfect..the words seemed exactly what i am feeling rite now...just wanna say that distance is good...

P.S for the person who made me realize what love is....

support a child...

i usually dont write on a social causes because i seriously do not feel that writing about such a thing & doing nothing about it will help.there are people around me who has romanticized poverty,child labour,etc.I somehow never took an attempt to do the same as people who wants to lend out their hand will do it in either case & those who wont will not do it even they read all these.its sad.

people who have been to park street have seen small girls & boys selling lottergum for rupees 10.i have also seen them innumerable time.but never helped them in recent times since i do believe that buying from one would lead to attracting many kids & with my limited funds i would not be able to help all.last saturday when we were planning to move to peter cat after a long wait in front of music world i saw a small little girl approaching us with bunch of Lottergum..as i am always pre-determined on few things before even she could ask me take one i had asked her to move away..but that small girl bound by hr habits kept on nagging..& then suddenly my friend saw that the little girl gets dimple in her cheek!!

i noticed & saw a very pretty girl in front of me.we never actually bother to take a proper look at those small kids who spends such a different childhood..far different from what we had.that small kid was wearing minimal clothes but she looked like an angel in disguise.we started talking to her.when asked whether she studies or not she exclaimed that a lady comes to teach them..them signifies few more kid who are her colleagues & some her siblings!!i was not much surprised as i myself was attached to few NGOs whodid volunteer such works!!i asked her about so many things & she kept on answering..& few of my questions actually brought stars in her eyes...small bright stars!!i was gradually falling in love with my little friend.

with so much to talk & know bout her i got the alarm from my friends that we got to move.i then asked her to give me one of the gums that she sells & gave her 10 rupees extra.i asked her to keep it for herself.she looked at me.no stars in those bright eyes & quite blankly said "amar chai na,didi..ora niye nebe..tumi boron amar bondhur theke ekta keno..or ektao bikri hoi ni"..!!her one statement made me feel that she has so many things to tell!!may be she knew about this world & her complications more than any one present there!!i was amazed!!she called her friend & i bought from him..she was happy & so was him..an unsaid flow of love happened between the pair of eyes..!!the guy ran away & my angel said "didi tumi khub bhalo.." & she fled away..

her running away made me realize that we can do a lot of things may be not with money but with time & we ont even realize that.we dont even have the time to think!!once hen i suggested my friend to adopt a child then he said that he wont do one because that my lead to a dissatisfaction within other children that why were they not adopted!!i was shocked at what he said & then quite silently thought that people nowadays think this way!! moner dorja ta choto hote hote ekdin bodhoi bondho hoi jabe..i dont know what message you get from this write but would suggest all of you to just think once..think how much we can do!!!

define love!!!!

i am gradually turning my blog to a personal diary..n i need to lock it before people i dont know learns everything about me!!

i was asked a strange question that whether i am happy with the person i love or not???the question was asked by the same person whom i love!!!on facing this question i was asked myself two more things : define love & define happiness!!! i dont know how others define love but i define love as that special feelings that makes you dance in the rain when ur sneezing & coughing day in & day out & then being pulled in a shade by the person of ur life & getting a good piece of scolding from him!!love to me is that sudden sms to tell you that i love you just out of the blue..love is that feelings when u wait for his call 24x7..love is that one special dish that you cannot have sine ur love loves to eat it..love is that nagging that you do when u feel cranky & then get scolded by the loved one & then pampered again!!love is that special things that you do to see your love happy!!love is to cook the special dish for him when he least expects it..love is to give him the sudden surprise that you plan for him just because of no reason..!!love is to deck ur self up & then wait for him to say that you look nice..love is to watch your love taking a glance at you when you are just getting ready for office..love is to understand the person by a single "hello" over the phone..love is to understand the person inside out..love is to take the person in your arms when he is just damn frustrated with everything around him..love is friendship...love is to understand the person as he is and not to understand him as i want to..love is many more things!!!if you are in love & you know the person then you are sure to understand whether he is happy or not..u just dont need to ask him whether he is happy or not!!!can i single "I LOVE YOU" make you fall in love???or can those three words prove whether you love him or not..isnt hating that special someone is also a part of love??i dont know..but i really want know since for me everything that i said is love...u might differ but thats how i am!!!